oh, hold me like a baby that will not fall asleep. curl me up inside and let me hear you through the heat.

My family is moving more than likely in the next couple of months. My dads company shut it's plants down with no money for severence pay and the possibility of their being no money for paychecks. My dad asked me today if they had to move away would I be coming with. I don't think I can, but then I feel like I might fall apart without them. I just don't know what i'm going to do with my family living hundreds of miles away and have a car that can't make it past maryland. I'm so drained, and it'd be fucking so nice to have something turn around.

More than anything I want my dad to fucking find a job that stops moving him around. A job that makes him insanely happy and insanely rich. It seems now-a-days that experience and several college degrees are worth nothing. My little sister doesn't need to go through what i did. She's a fragile girl, and I want to be able to guide her. What the hell else am i for? My mom is going to go crazy without me. Oh, i'm so vain right? Fuck that. I watched her mom go crazy, and I can't watch her do the same. She has been my worst enemy, but now I love her smile and her corny jokes.

I fucking want someone to lean on. I haven't needed a cigarette this bad in so long. Every fucking semester some bullshit happens. This is going to wreck my grades.