it has been a long hard winter

but i can feel summer in the air, and i've already fallen in love with my back porch.

whoa

i started eating regular food again about 3 days ago, and now i want to shoot myself.

basically, i decided that i'm probably just going back to being vegan and eating mostly raw foods. god, it felt good- 1. to feel healthy and clean with raw foods and 2. to binge eat afterwards. but, i feel that the better of the two is the latter.

summer is soon. im absolutely ready for it. front porch sitting, sipping on sweet wine, wearing frayed shorts, and puppy time to the max. ahhhh, everything will be just fine in the summer time.

gotta get back here even if for not one but myself

gotta start working on paperwork too so katey can get her damn passport.

goddammit, we're going to get out of here!

ss

sweet days, miss that.
all this shit going down on broad. hate driving that shit. found my way to woodberry then checked out ukrops. now, i'm scarfing down some food and loving this matcha smoothie.

called tt torrez today tryna get dat kiss me thru the phone played. no luck.

another potential roomie called, but we're not really sure about her. how the hell are you supposed to pick between strangers?

well, hold steady

hung out with a potential roomie last night. We played monopoly while i did math homework, anddddd because i'm BOSS i still won. :) shoulda been the money bag, duh.

what an awful lifestyle

god makes people do crazy things

i laughed my head off

all of yesterday. then, i rudely fell asleep in front of our company.





waiting to see what ridiculous thing i can blurt out in art history again.





DAMN!- search results from google wtf.

the puppy is mad clean- smells good too :)

She managed to rip apart a bag of coconut and drag it up the stairs while i was gone. It's a good thing Josh didn't stop by, we might have gotten evicted right then. wtf.

Grabbed some food and got to rant and rave for a while. Merci!

guess i better get to my nightly rituals- au revior.

when you need fixin

don't call your landlord.

Josh, please know that although i am young i am not stupid.

I'm getting a little bit annoyed with people thinking that i have no brain because of my age. I am not a child, and I am able to handle my own. 'you have to stick up for yourself,' 'i mean i remember staying out late when i was your age...i'm just over that,' 'whatever dog is living there crapped on the floor- that's a breach of the lease.'

COME ON PEOPLE.

gonna give pabz, the dog that crapped all over my floor, a bath because we finally got the water heater fixed. ftw

everything, everything will be just fine

just do your best,

do everything you can,

and dont you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say.

zomg cho good.

home, sweet home.

it's been a long time since i've been home and my mom hasn't stressed me out. not that i'm saying when i went home today she didn't stress me out. she spent about 20 minutes telling me about how perfect nursing is for me, when it's the opposite. then she proceeded to ask if i slept with you, and when she started laughing i couldn't help but laugh too. I'm just glad she isn't 'i told you so'-in me.

anyways, au revior. and thank god for my mother.

i have to go to ky soon, fuck.

don't you love her madly when shes walking out the door

picking things up

-vermeer

for a while you let it all affect you, but that's such a pointless feet. who seriously wants to be full of hatred? i will admit i miss my zebra blanket and oatmeal, but i feel guilty for still having those cds and books. ah, well. so it fucking goes.

I'm writing some more and finally found the yellow notebook i had lost. It's always so good to write it all down. When you're done with it there's nothing left to dwell on. It's all in front of you, and it's all fucking done.

why are people always writing stories?

perfect.

j'aime pin up girls. wish i had tits- new occupation.

"I stood out on the porch thinking "fight, fight, fight at all costs!" but instead I let you in just like I've always done. I sat you down & offered you a beer & from across the kitchen table I fired several rounds, but you were still sitting there when the smoke cleared. You came crawling back to say that you want to make good in the end. Oh? Well let me count the ways that I abhor you: you were never a good lay & you never were a good friend. But what can I say, I adore you."
- Ani DiFranco

new roomie

situation is so fucked.

i've been checking up on my friend lex who is like my baby sister. i havent seen her in over a year because i haven't hiked my ass up to Ohio, but we still try to stay in touch. anywho she has this boy in her life that shes been with for i'd say almost 2 years. I duno, i just thought it was a wonderful thing haha... it's good to see people who find someone worth it. so refreshing.

soooooo now that you see im a sobfest- COME LIVE WITH US!

the best way to get over a guy is to get under another

i seriously just heard someone say this

parachuting:)

went on an epic car ride last night to get kyle and managed to not get killed by any drunk drivers. almost went to the dance party last night, but decided we couldn't stand in the cold so instead we chilled on the couch for the last night it was ever going to be here. Chris, definition of a douchebag roomie, is moving out and therefore all of our furniture and electronics are out the door as well. He told me some ridiculous lie about getting into some art school after previously telling cory that he was being forced to move there because of his parents. Either way I don't much care, but if anyone reads this and is looking for a place we've got a vacant room!

puppy loves bananas and their peel. freakkkkk

gets better as it goes along. In the beginning it's impossible to sit through and then it gets alright. Had to skip through a lot of it because blockbuster sucks, but what i saw was alright.

"just look like we are a married couple, spanning time."

"my life is shit."

apparently this movie was hell to make though and ricci and gallo hated eachother. i mean, whatev.

tat/raw

this week has been harddd. My body feels a lot better, and I can tell I'm going through mad detox, but that's what i wanted.

Menu:

breakfast:

baby bananas, coconut, strawberries

lunch:

huge salad- spinach, romaine, cauliflouwer, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple

dinner:

tba :)

I went to go have my tattoo finished today, but decided on some laser removal. I'm a bit scared, but think that without a doubt it's for the best. Without it most of the flowers would be lost in translation, and i'd end up being just as unhappy as i began.

outlining:

breakfast

bringing a pear to work in case i get hungry.

raw foods diet

tomorrow is the starting date, and i'm a bit nervous. I have to go to the grocery store tonight and stock up. I'm ready to learn though I think this will be a great detox. I'd love to go 30 days, but realistically I'm looking at 7 days. i'll be posting my diet via pics while i do it. wish me well!

fuck you pt.2

good night last night. ate some beans with katey, saw some good people, met some new people, never been so in love with humankind until last night, comforted a friend who tried to candyflip. so weird.

good thing i'm young, eh?

just another day

<--haha, not bianca vday style. went out to lunch and brought the puppy where i found out how easy it would be for me to be a lesbian. Maybe i'll learn the ropes? Kinsey scale: 2 or 3. Pabz also found herself a little boyfriend, but you know how long that lasts. Got a valentines day wish from someone i wasn't expecting to- definately made my day. A little girl also came up to me in carytown and gave me a valentine which was amazing. My ex-boys dad told me today that he thinks my pup is adorable. It's been good. Happy Valentines, and everyone just smile. Think i may be going out and doing something spectacular with the only person i'll share vday with for the rest of my life. <333youkatey,bitch. href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

happy valentines day!

She said, you gotta stop falling in love with these ideas.

you know it's time that we grow old and do some shit.



'send me dead flowers in the morning,' is being sung at my back porch. i mean, how ironic.

I think i just went mad. can't be good for me, eh?

instead of writing my paper.

'my cousin told me she came so hard she blacked out.'

normal

lots of different versions of your typical lovin lamb.

went searching today for a cake pan, but came out with nothing but a little mug. Saw my friends mother buying a purple/blue dildo and laughing at the pirate porn like katey and myself. Priscilla's is seriously one rad place.

My mum's bday today, so i went to see her. Like most days when i go to visit she stuffs me with food and sends me home with even more food. <3>

I'm thinking it'd be really nice if everyone was just on the same page.

so

stressed out.

i awoke to find myself feeling like the dead
i looked in the mirror and it wasn't too far fetched
Coffee doesn't wake me anymore
and the day ahead leaves me deeper than 6 feet under.



WTF, FTW.

real dolls

creepy documentary. gonna create the male real doll- make some freaky girls real happy. i'll realease it next year on valentines day- no more pity parties for single ladies.

soja,study,killmahselffffugh

'pages turned so fast i never got to read you.' I forgot how good this band is. Sad they never come to Richmond anymore- last show was one of the most disappointing things I've ever seen.

my brain is going to fucking explode. I drank so much emergenc today that i managed an hour of full nose use after an excruciating hour of runny nose while test taking. Not only am i the most congested I've ever been, but i've also studied the last couple of days more than i did the entirety of my high school career.

off to go study some more i suppose. such a fucking bummer.

having no cable and getting weird random shows is not too chill. Steve Wilkos stresses me out.

Sociology was real interesting today. Maybe I'll move to Sweden? Took another exam that I think I did mediocre on. The Woman of Willendorf is seriously amazing to me. It's a disgusting blob of a woman, right? Nahhhh. It's amazing to see what people once thought was a beautiful body. It symbolizes fertility and the soft-supple quality women obtain while carrying a child. It represents an abundance of food, humans/reproduction, and stability. Her fleshy appearance supplies an image of life sustaining and life giving qualities. The anoniminity of the face make this a universal piece. I'd like to meet a modern artist who creates pieces like this. I think realism is pretty much overrated and holding back the evolution of art. bummerrrrrr

'she laughed and danced through the field of graves. there i knew it would be alright, that everything would be alright.'

i'm hoping that soon i can go fruit picking. if anyone wants to tag along do come. Haha I remember one of the biggest fights I ever had with Chris was at an orchard. Dont think we picked anything, but I remember i had a tanktop on. Fuck I'd do anything for some warm weather.

We've decided God's got a sick sense of humor.

We've decided we're walking away.

I thought Jesus was for ignorant people,

I thought their only proof was salt in the ocean

because it stings like hell.

I've been told the dead walk through me

and that I eat 8 spiders a year:

Bullshit.

That Bible singes at the corners and

vanishes so simply.

Faith destroys our expansion, our evolution.

My fingers were once stained with grapes

now, my bloods tainted with their wine

I'm swaying in the wind,

and drowing in their deep color.

i've got about 5 hours of studying ahead of me. I want to run later, but i don't think i can breathe right to go more than a mile. We'll see.

my bum hurts, got a shit ton of fucking homework to do. trying to have a straight chill night and just bum outtt. roomie came home from the mountains seemed chill? chris spent the day fucking writhing around in his room. I think he went crazy.

LOL

got a twitter: twitter.com/biancantc

saw my roomie sleep walk last night. he went out to the backyard and slept on top of the dog house, wtf.

'quit playing games with my heart.' i mean the backstreet boys are straight chill.

gonna take the dog to the river tonight and go on a moto ride? gonna whip out my bikini top... FUCKING SCARY SHIT.

So, I heard you never really got it
Cus you never really stood.

I heard fear gripped the side of your
brain
Your bones shook and your
muscles
drained, that you weren't getting out of this.

I heard Cali is quite savvy
and birthdays are forgotten

I've been stuck between this
town of brownie batter
and
these cities filled with
sunshine.

I've been trapsing around
in withering boots and
pigtales on my head

my minds been dancing in circles
and my shadows follow suit
I thought hopscotch was for children,
and the ocean for adults.
I thought salt was for skinheads,
and pepper for the scared.

I stopped writing cus i couldn't
I stopped learning cus i stupid
i stopped running cus i'm stronger
i stopped wanting cus i wouldn't
i started thinkingcus-its-reversal.

cut that shit.

bianca is done with rudeness. I am simply put fed up with this shit. I'm thinking we're going to go buckwild in the living room, only allow the dog to piss and shit inside, and then i guess break down some doors? It's absurd living with someone who thinks it's appropriate to state that he feels he needs to lock his door. What's even more absurd is the only drunk thieves we've ever potentially had in the house have not been my guests. This house is breaking me- i've never been the outright bitchy type, but when pressed to be one it seems out of my control.

Godammit, it's you face.

went to the doctors, blech. had some good chinese, mmm. spent the night wishing i could have knee replacement surgery and a fever reducer.

Still haven't gotten to give out birthday presents, bummer.

off to go wreck MY livingroom.

T.JONESSSS

only for those of us who adore vh1 reality television do you understand. Serious LOL moment. Good to know he's in richmond on our side haha

this morning has been a bummer. almost lost my huge math project, dog was having some sort of temper tantrum, and coffee was a bust.
Doctor sent me a bill for 312$ and now i'm looking forward to having to go back.
I fucking just need to know how to forge a perscription. My belly rumblessss. So it goes.

LET THE INFORMER DIAL 911

today has been a shit storm. Firstly I found out that a good friend of mine has 3 felonies hanging on his shoulders. He's too smart for that shit, but he talked to cops. Then I went to crossroads and ate too much and called a cop an asshole. It's funny to watch authority figures back down when they know they can't do anything. I then proceeded to call him a stupid fuck, ballzout yo.

Cory talked shit about my dog all morning and then i told him that he had to stop this immature shit where he gets to cuddle with the dog and i get to clean up her shit. Fuck that. So, i come home and then he hands me paper towels and says here ya go. I proceed to say nothing and of course not pick up the dog shit. He goes on to yell at me about how he didn't clean it because he was studying and I said okay. He tells me that he knows I was home while she shit on the floor, which is absolutely fucking ludicrous because at 830 this morning this house was shitless. I ask him, 'where the fuck were you? were you home to see the dog shit while i was at home?'
'well, no.'
'OK, THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP.'

incredibly hard to hold back my laughter.
found some stupid as shit couple who is possibly coming to look at the place, gonna make this place inhabitable. I mean i'm fucking done with this rudeness.

FUCK YOU!

Copycatstyle.

i think i'm done. I think that feels right. baby klye got into vcu, so looks like i owe him a complimentary shot. ran over 3 miles today, which literally felt better than an orgasm. called my grammie and wished her a happy 91st birthday- props on being the best great granddaughter.

oh, hold me like a baby that will not fall asleep. curl me up inside and let me hear you through the heat.

My family is moving more than likely in the next couple of months. My dads company shut it's plants down with no money for severence pay and the possibility of their being no money for paychecks. My dad asked me today if they had to move away would I be coming with. I don't think I can, but then I feel like I might fall apart without them. I just don't know what i'm going to do with my family living hundreds of miles away and have a car that can't make it past maryland. I'm so drained, and it'd be fucking so nice to have something turn around.

More than anything I want my dad to fucking find a job that stops moving him around. A job that makes him insanely happy and insanely rich. It seems now-a-days that experience and several college degrees are worth nothing. My little sister doesn't need to go through what i did. She's a fragile girl, and I want to be able to guide her. What the hell else am i for? My mom is going to go crazy without me. Oh, i'm so vain right? Fuck that. I watched her mom go crazy, and I can't watch her do the same. She has been my worst enemy, but now I love her smile and her corny jokes.

I fucking want someone to lean on. I haven't needed a cigarette this bad in so long. Every fucking semester some bullshit happens. This is going to wreck my grades.

she is growing unbelievably fast. Her little wonky ear has learned to stand upright. She is seriously the definition of cute. Love my baby noodle.

I read this book on and off because I don't always have it with me, but it's one of the most truthful books I've ever read. It's not fantastic and I don't like that it's a 'journal of love,' as stated on the front, but it's unintentionally brutally honest.

i love the beginning of the month when i have to collect rent and my bank account seriously skyrockets for a day or two. haha easylifestyle.

took babygirl to the river today, which was quite a job. She doesn't much want to be on a leash, but eventually she got that she just had to come with me. She was a curious little thing, and very alert. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to end up signing her up for training. I might be able to get her to sit and walk, but I want her to be accustomed to other dogs and able to run around without me having to worry too much.

Gonna run, cook dinner with katey, karaoke, set up our new printer, give pabz a bath cus she smells like the james, and prepare myself for the hell of ukraps that awaits me. Fuck, i'm not happy they put me back on the schedule.

I'm overdue another round.

had a good bowl of oatmeal this morning. I need to get a teapot so i don't have to eat the packaged kind blech. Katey and I are going to take the pup to the river today. Then, I'm coming home to bury my head in books and run potentially 3 miles. I think I'm going to find a way to get a loan for school this summer and take at least an English class. I need to force myself to find a way to decide my major. If i hate this English class I'm going to major in Art History... its pretty hard to choose a major when anything you want to do in life will not provide you with a paycheck. I've decided without a doubt that I'm going to go for my masters, but of course it's hard to say what for since i haven't even decided what my bachelors is for.

Guess i better hurry up and fill out stupid financial aid. I've got to find a way to get my W2 again because the post office sent it to me literally chewed up by a dog. It even came in a little plastic slip that apologized. ftw. Summer is approaching too fast, and I'm still jobless once May hits. fuck, it's a good thing I've been trying really hard to save enough money to keep me through the summer if i don't find one. I'm going to make it through this year if it kills me.