goodiez

kyles bday present

what a character, i love his bond moves

I live in Margaritaville.

oh, how i love to get disposables developped

homegirlz. i'll never love anything more than my brah. <3

i need a place to lay my head that's safely out of sight from where i am

roomies and i are taking a break this week, and i'm going to spend the week doing some work on myself.

lots of back porch sitting, reading, eating healthy, and smiling.

katey and I

are way bummed about not getting tickets for UB. I mean i guess there's always next year, ugh. North Carolina was good- bought all of baby klye's present and took some rad pics. Once they're developped i'll post some. So, we went to JR to get katey's cigs, bought some shit for the house, drove around the most boring town, Johnston, for about an hour until we found the best pizza place imaginable, Nik's. At one point we almost gave up to eat at Pizza Inn, but I refused. We tend to do this thing where we want to find something in a new town with no directions in our lap and we refuse to go anywhere else. It happened in DC- ended up with a new tat. Happened in DC another time- didn't get to the museums, but we tried tried and tried. This time we wanted pizza, and we got it:) Our vacations always leave us half satisfied. I don't give a fuck though because it's with her, we just need to start going to more interesting places. Johnston, NC- I mean seriously?

On our way out of the resturant there was tornado warnings for Johnston. (http://www.wral.com/weather/story/4824789/)I have to admit I was a bit worried because I was driving. It didn't much matter though because I was more than ready to get home. I don't drive often in the rain because my car can't do it. But, I guess i forgot what an expert driver I am. We made it home faster, it seems, then it took to get there.

Came home to a house full of people, YES:) wrote a paper in the span of like 40 minutes, turned that shit in, walked out of my room to a good night of games. Had my darling mandy try to set me up all night, but I'm just not ready. Went to bed with the best kind of feeling. Now, i'm getting ready for another epic night. bummer it takes so much effort.

girl got too big

i feel so good about my life

and the people i surround myself by.

for a while people had me hiding who i was, but i remembered it's not about who people think you are. It's one of the painful moments in life that kicks your ass, and then you get up and feel like a million dollars. "Bianca Millionare-Kickass." hahah

Tonight's party is going to be strangely epic. Once again all new people, and this time all new drinks. ("we're vodka drinkers," but this weekend we're margarita drinkers.) I've already made plans to walk tonight, because I knowwww without a doubt no one is going to be my DD. But, that's alright: the city at 4am is absolutely stunning.

i want to conquer the world

with my messy hair.

I also want to gut bank of america.

ben kweller in the morning

is better than anything at night, but to be honest I fall asleep a lot singing him in my head.
but, i also must admit he's quite unattractive.

"what about the girl with loneliness?"
"I wanna start going on a morning walk, what about the days when we used to talk."

"that girl don't fake it, give her rules she'll break it."

had a great night with the roomiez, danced the night away and today we're headed off to NC. if only it wasn't so drab.

giving things up is too hard.

all this talking shows me what i've gotta do.

all i do is party AH, AH, AH, AH

<3audge

i hate the

whore monopoly that you run.
just move already goddammit.



had a great conversation with mandy today. this girl is pushing me, and its giving me a complex. She's bringing me back to who I used to be, the girl who decided that the leary tat was so important and meaningful. The girl who was a feminist and would have never put up with douche bag's shit. I'm afraid to accept it because I know what it means I have to do. I'm playing with the idea, but reasonably I doubt i'll be able to do it on my own. How the hell am I supposed to walk away?

Two too many tests tomorrow, what a bummer since I'm failing both of them

uhm, i'm a genius. :)
I cracked this hard as fuck math problem today after being the first to say 'i have no fucking clue.' 2nd uncomfortable situation was not so bad. once we met up it went fine.
I finally got a damn job, and i'm pretty excited on it. I'm nervous as hell, but I think it should be a good growing experience for me. I still think I'm going to go apply to a few places just to get myself out there, and in case this job fails.

Katey is having a tough day- sorry dude. I wish i could have helped more! i'm probably going to be amazing and make her some dinner for when she gets home. oh, what i would do to be a lesbian- my life would be so perfect gahhhhh.

Hungry as shit, i'm going to start being 60% raw. one non-raw food meal a day. already fucking used that shit up today with cereal, so a banana it is.

uncomfortable situations

all day long for me:
apply to a million jobs in person
meet up with a math group that refuses to speak
taking the dog out whilst trying to avoid a margarita invite
going home to find myself bored as hell.

last night was full of ultimate highs and ultimate lows
party was good, again. the crowd was completely different this time, as was the music.
seeing you last night was good, and the ghetto water bottle was nice as well.

met up with the neighbors who live behind us tonight. strange occurrence that I was a bit worried about, but it was a good time. One of the roomies was a bartender and the others were very welcoming so it was pretty chill. Then, the people who lived behind them started playing blues and dancing while hollerin for us to join.

Found out one of my 'friends' tried to fuck up me and katey's reputations today- righteous mahn. Talked to an old lover, Jake, and realized how much i missed him. I'm so happy for him and his girlfriend, but I don't know the whole story because we haven't talked in so long. I think he's half happy saying: i love her, but- which is typically a sign of subconsciously wanting out. I'll have to get the whole story soon.

Next weekend is going to be too epic: kyles bday, bryant and adam's goodbye party... how will i ever be prepared?

old, but yesterdays already so far away

from a time when a girl katey and I used to love wasn't such a fuck up.
from a time when we held hands in church hill and didn't hate eachother.

if i find what i'm looking for I'm going to press charges, guess that sucks for you jes.

ukrop's

seriously kills meeeeee
gym was closed when i got off
only ran a mile today
and my body is screaming for some sort of release

after so long it gets to be outrageous and you start thinking about why

what turns you on?

"someone's brain wide open with their guts, their emotions, their nerves all fucking out there."

"you've been drunk for a few days,

i've been drunk for years."

being blinded sucks.
all i've wanted all day cigarettes.
i'm trying so hard to not fall off, but who do i need to kiss nowadays?
so sick of these cravings,
sooooo fucking sick of knowing i caused them.

why is that monster back?

never thought she'd be filled with rage or come of age

interview time, and i think i'm pretty prepared.
spent an hour dancing around the house, had katey braid my hair, and figured out what to say my weakness is. Bianca is ready to get a fucking new job.

apres the interview
shit sucked, all that dread for 5 minutes and a feeling of: guess i better keep looking. but, there was good music on when i left and a non-profit dog cancer organization that i'm applying for on monday. plus tonight we're fixing the raggidy ann hair on my head, and it's almost the weekend which means it's almost time to get down. i just want to dance all the time now... makes me feel so stress free!

most of you dont know that i have sleeves, big tits, and a passion for bret michels

you always think you're finished

and then a new color strikes your fancy
my hair, somehow managing to stay healthy, is going to be dyed again tonight.
another battle between my hair and foil.

thought a lot today about the job offers, and so far i've taken one stupid as fuck job that's like 4 days a month and now i'm debating on taking another data entrant job or being a hostess. i think i'm going to take the hostess job just for the experience. blech, such a bummer- interview tomorrow. oh, what to wear.

good day today, laughed a lot- oh, how i love the sun.
if it's nice again this week i'm going to take the day to lay on my back in the grass and shut my eyes while basking in some brightness. maybe i'll have pabbi join me, think we need some time in the sun

girl likes to drank

i found her licking the tops of these bottles. what a little alc.

all the reasons why

thank you for telling me i wasn't a redhead.

sleep deprivation seriously kills me
day 3 and i'm already hitting my head against walls, wtf spring break come backkk.

your noodles fell into the sink

brah, you were supposed to watch them
sorry they fell out of the microwave
katey looks at me like, wtf?!
i look at them in the sink and said, 'they're clean.'


omg my heart

I'm not really sure

why you keep calling me. I was pretty sure we broke the camel's back?

I found this in my notebook this morning:

I stopped writing about you because you stopped calling. I stopped caring about you because I thought you were moving. I stopped hoping I could come with when I thought about it for a second. I stopped loving your lies when I remembered who I was, and I stopped loving you when Smith didn't make me smile anymore.

also found:

I'll never forget how crazy I went over you. I blinded myself for the sake of your beauty. I muted myself to only ever hear you. I tortured myself for if only to love you.

This past month has been spent entirely reconstructing myself. I went through a long period of time where you were all that defined me, and I was afraid to say au revior because I'd been with you for so long. I've found that time means nothing, and even though my comfort level with you is that of a king sized serta my concrete happiness was that of a small pea. It'd be easy to say I'll never love anyone the way I love you and hinder my ability to leave, but i always liked to make things hard, eh? [hehe haha that's what she said.]

I never realized how unreal the concept of a God was until recently. I've been an atheist for years, but sometimes relished in the idea of returning to church. I thought, what if it picks me up? What if I finally get an answer? After spending my childhood praying for things that were important to me and never getting that shit answered, I keep strong in my absense of belief. You were someone I talked ardently to about each of us being our own personal God. We wrote down hours of our conversations and I never saw them again. Now, though, through all of this ending I see what I can do for my own self.

I work a pretty boring job at United Way and then an overly hellish job at Ukrop's. At both jobs I work independently and will rarely be found without a look of distaste. Before I changed my attitude towards the subject I was walking on cobblestones and breaking bones at my own cost. I had just lost one, and you were trying to wedge your way back into my life. I didn't mind because I loved your unexpected reappearances in my life. I just knew that it meant the people we left eachother for weren't what we needed. Oh, what a hopeless romantic I was with you. Even though I was excited for you to be back I was hoping to escape because all I could think about was what I had done wrong to lose the other guy. I'll never really know, but I like to blame it on time management and the fact that I just wasn't what he was looking for, but whatever the case may be I was nothing short of depressed. I was wallowing in my sorrows, throwing dishes in the dishwasher, breaking letter keys on the keyboard, and fucking up my brain. I constantly reminded myself of my mistakes before waking up one day and telling myself YOU ARE CAUSING THIS FUCKTARD.

So, I woke myself up. I told myself how important it was to get the hell out of this ditch. I never prayed once and I never even consulted our heavenly father up above, because I am my own God. Cocky statement, eh? Well, the God that many bow down to daily is that of a selfish hoard who expects complete and utter trust and love returning only about half of that. God loves uncontrollably, correct? He has unconditional love for us all excluding that of gays, people with brains who question him, and those who have never heard his name. Oh, what a merciful and glorious God. Excuse my rudeness, and I apologize for being immature about the subject. I used to question it and still whisper to him in the back of my head, but after this especially I realize how important it is to hold no one above myself.

So, basically you taught me everything about myself, and although sometimes you make me sick to my stomach I love you, and probably will talk you tonight. Haha, but the good thing is this time I won't walk out caring if you talk to me in the morning.

under my skin

last night was killer. i had a really good time dancing with the roomies and having old friends and new come chill. we rearranged the house for it and put up some paintings/decorations in general.

it's probably going to be an every weekend thing. i mean, i'm young, so why not? in a few years i have to be able to say i've been there, eh?

made an awesome dinner tonight, and basically we found out if i were a meat eater i'd be about 300 lbs. veggie burger, 4 slices of fakon, one hash brown, bbq sauce, sriracha all on an onion bun. wtf, so good. off to go watch reality tv with the roomies.... au reviorrrr

"a long awkward mcdonalds after a long hard of partying."

went to mcydees with the children this morning.
decided to take 8th grade awkward first date pics, i mean it's chill.

how could i ever get ready?
thank god morgan didn't wear scrubs.

summastyle

this shitty weather needs to get the fuck out.

laser

Last night i got together with morgan and started the whole process of removing the lighthouse and the storm from my shitttttyy tat. technically it's a nice tattoo done quite well, but it's just not what i wanted. I was nervous as fuck going in because morgan wasn't trying to make it better with kind words. he told me it was going to hurt like hell and that it definately sucked. Honestly it wasn't any worse than getting tattoed until after the actual proceedure was over. Afterwards there was a buring sensation that felt like nothing short of hell shitting all over my arm for about 2 hours. This morning it was fine, but as the day progressed a deep soreness penetrated my arm. Now it's still just sore, but basically should be fine in the morning. I've got about 8 more sessions... fuckkkk! My tatt is never going to be done:( I think i'm going to have thea do something else for me while I'm waiting. I'd like to get this sort of griffin wrapping around my side, but i'm not 100% sure about all of the details.

spun

adore this movie.

thinking about this new penis project and what todays penis adventures have in store.

anyone has any sort of opinions/ideas get at me!

eventually if me and katey keep it going we'd love to have other people send us pics, haha BUT NOODZ DONT COUNT.

gettin our couches finally, staying home from work today- NOT wasting the last day before it goes back to being fucking 12 degrees outside.

penishats.blogspot.com

shit is opening soon.
katey and i have started this project that basically involves penis artwork. it's either going to be penis related things that we find, or things we make ourselves.

i mean, what seriously could brighten up a day more?
to have to force myself even on bad days to make a penis...
hahahahaha, zomg.

a sea of men parted

when i walked out of work today. haha it was one of the most outrageous things that has ever happened to me. one guy was holding the door and then 3 others were standing in front of it and they all split to let me walk through, while proceeding to laugh about it.

could have been some sort of miracle if they weren't all my dads age, eh?

found out today that the work study job may end much earlier than expected. pretty scary seeing as my other job works me once a week basically.
Got girl scout cookies today, and even though they sat on my desk all day i managed to be strong enough to NOT eat them or ever open them. instead somehow i got my ass up during break and went to krogers for a salad. best choice i made all day.


I grabbed some frozen strawberries so I could ice your bruising knees
But frozen things they all unfreeze and now I taste like
All those frozen strawberries I used to chill your bruising knees

little sister don't you do what your big sister done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnPGt_Cf1z4

Well, I used to pull your pigtails
And pinch your turned-up nose
But you been a growin
And baby, its been showin
From your head down to your toes

elvis is so impressive. he even uses words like boll weevle and manages to pull it off.
he reminds me of my grandpa who i miss so dearly. gonna go put gpops on the ipod, listen to his album, and fall asleep.

absolutely one of the strangest movies i've ever seen. 2 movies in one basically-

1. the life of a michael jackson impersonator living amongst an impersonator commune

2. flying nuns who seem to constantly be granted their prayers of not dying individually, and then when all flying in the same plane they die.

Korine is one of the strangest directors. gummo- can barely ever get through that movie. this, good but soooo damn odd.

good company last night.

now, i'm off to do grocery shopping, get my ass to the river, have dinner with the mum, and pick up the brat- all while having slept less than 4 hours total. trying to overdose on coffee

when i hear about you

i want to gut their throats.

but hey motherfucker-

Living well is the best revenge.

show was good tonight. oddities, but good. my broken toe is definately now extra broke.

<-so far it was worth the 3 dollars

trashylifestyle 4eva

gooooooood as shit cookies.

chemist in the kitchen, no lie.

sometimes i like to feel like a trailor park dad except i can't drink skunked beer. i like props, though

i can remember

the smile i had on my face when i opened the bag.

i could have cried, i could have ranted and raved, i could have been beligerant, but really all i wanted to do was smile.

i couldn't believe it was all there. so meticulous, gahhhhh.
but, hey atleast i'm smiling and not bitter

guess i'm not making it out to DC, forgot we have a bunch of new furniture coming later on.

almost went to go get my motorcycle permit today, and then i felt all intimidated and my wallet said no. omg, where does all of the fucking money i make go?


what an unfortunate waste of time. This movie was basically fucked up mind+fucked up sex, not really what i was feeling. if you like the thought of cracked open chests on a stainless steel table+perky boobs bouncing while a cutie is fucked on the next table then i'd rent this. it'll definately do the job.

chemist

doing some good thangs in the kitchen.

when the sun is still shining outside

after i've left work i know only beautiful things are in store.

there's never such a comfort

its been such a long time, I think I should be goin and time dosnt wait for me, it keeps on rollin

got the new downstairs set up, saturday we'll have the new upstairs set up.
my grammies cancer came back, i am ever hopeful.

the snow and spring break, such perfect timing.

wrecked

thank you, and its a good feeling.
going to DC this weekend, following something

FTP

had a cop pull me over on jeff davis who couldnt tell me the reason. he told me that i was speeding and swerving from the left lane to the right. when i asked how fast i was going he had no answer to give me and then later on told me i was going 50. he proceeded to question my reasoning for going to chesterfield and if i drove on jeff davis often. i started to boil and said that it wasn't unreasonable for me to be driving on jeff davis as i was not the only one. then, he tells me it's illegal to have snow on your car- so, basically i should have done a citizens arrest on this bitch for fucking having snow on his cop car.

with his jamaican accent and a voice that said shit, i had no reason to pull this little shit over
'i think i am sensing a little attitude.'

well, you are speaking to bianca who abso-fucking-lutely hates cops.

and is a little bit fucking pissed about this situation

hood rats

dressed the dog up for a nice little snowy walk, helped someone named Daniel find their keys, had a cop ride by and fucking slosh fucking dirty snow all over me, and now i'm off to chesterfield.

professional foil head

one

two

three

foil model, duh.

sofa

bought a sofa today, and a pink chair.

had to bring the pink chair home, and i had to keep it in the trunk. so, i went head first into the trunk and held on with the trunk open and snow blowing in my face.