RAW

going completely raw again starting tomorrow.
buying the uncook book asap

my belly is scareddddd

errbody be trippin

dumpster love

haha so silly.

anais nin

after not being with you for a few months i decided i could pick up this book and not smell your sheets, plus you moved out of that house so that smells forever gone.

Henry and June has me entangled. I never want to get up out of the sun nor do i ever want to stop reading it. I believe I'm going to get a collection of her works. She's a sexual beast and it makes me so calm inside. Her journals are filled with honesty and lust. Her problems, although much escalated, are those i battle with myself. They are my life written on paper, everything I've wanted to say but have forgotten. Where did my words lose themselves?

Her love is equilateral.

Cigarettes: this stick of beauty and eloquence pours out smoke and brings minutes of joy, but is it worth years of hacking up my precious lungs? God, why does this weather make me want to break my habit of NOT smoking?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bianca

this mostly made me smile

my trip to the beach has me dreaming of getting tatted.

i'm thinking it's going to be an amalgamation of the these

They dumped her body into the molten light

floated to the surface and did not ignite

help i'm alive my heart keeps beating like a hammer

i think i'm going to start singing for my dads jam band...
i think it'll give me lots to smile about.

ALL I DO IS PARTY

honestly, even under the academic part of blackboard it reads

PARTY 101

PARTY 201

PARTY 301

PARTY 401

PARTY FUCKING GRADUATE

and im still such a little girl...

all i can literally say after reading paragraphs about you fucking other girls is:

FUCK YOURSELF THE WAY YOU LOVE TO FUCK ME

because brotha imma fuck someone new.
plus, it must feel good fucking whores while you're thinking about me and our quickies. ohhhh, it literally must be "squirt" (thank you mandy's shirt) worthy.

"quickie"

what wonders that does for respectable women- hahah FUCK YOU.

parachuted all weekend, drank the rest.
most amazing partayyyy.
DD= :D
found someone who loves pabbi seriously more than me.
gonna buy a futon so we've got a place to stay
gonna eat some beans and waste away!
river, and then something.... no fizzle this time.

watched burn after reading last night, always a good movie. Jeff took me to see it the first time, bummer. My roommates were exceptionally rude while i had a hot date:) haha literally the worst date ever- a tv the size of my head which had lines running across it to the beat of the hammer in the background, which later turned to a treadmill.

Oh, how i fucking love the rudeness. Although, i'm sure if i brought you over they'd be cheery and fantastic because you're no good for me. FUCK ME.

I do believe the clenching in my heart and the burning in my stomach comes from my undying love for you. I write much like a child when speaking of you because i know no other words to fit my situation. when i leave your house in the mornings i always sing, "the right kind of love on a Sunday morning." I think your love is all that is right. I know if i want to return to the smiling girl i once was i need to leave you. It is imperative that i push you away. It is important i leave you and stop myself from leading astray.

i am your territory.

i am your battlefield.

You fight your internal wars on me and needle your records on me. You throw your silky covers on me to make it okay. I dream of their touch against my skin and always let you flood my life again. You drown in your sorrows in front of me and forget to bombard me with love and saturate my soul with happiness. You do get me water bottles and let me use your GB. I do have a warm bed and your beautiful side next to me. You do force your love me.

I do fail miserably each time you call.

I do hope to never leave you.

I do love the fucking life out of you.

i'm too weak and i can't find the fear

what does that say about me? that I'm a cowardly bastard. I can't stick up for myself for longer than a week and I always choose you over me. I choose you over everyone. It's a dreadful situation, and leaves me with killer abrasions. I'd measure our love in ounces and our lust in kilos, but only if I'm joking. We can't run away.

21 questions

is always fun with you.

it keeps me occupied, and i have a week full of wondering why you asked.

I don't want you to leave, i don't want to be the stronger person, and i don't to effortlessly and constantly always be in love with you.

damn, it'd be goooooood to be a freebird.

weekend plans

pre-easter party at my place for all of those who want to go to church hung over in the morning with their parents!

ready for any sort of TENSION that there may be. Pretty sure no one in the house is standing for any bullshit. So, ahem for those of us who don't want the partyy.... GET OUT.

we're all walking on glass, waiting for something epic to erupt. haha that's what she said, duhz.

TENSION

you have to stop seeing me or you won't move. You have to get on the road before your chances get burned away. Staying to ruin me- really not worth it. I'm sure I could find another boy who wouldn't mind taking your spot. Just tell me how to get you the fuck away from me.

I dream of going down a spiral when I ponder seeing you. I already know all of the causes and effects. It's written in stone, and how could i forget? I want to get fucked up and use all of my seratonin to get through this. I always follow through because more than anything I'm afraid of hurting you. You're insecure and that's why you fuck me up. What kind of hold do you have on me? Where does this unconditional love come from when it's for someone who'd stand by and watch me get curb stomped?

what if i buy your ticket? will leaving seem more appealing?

truth or dare

i played for the first time since almost elementary school. I am literally the worst player. My game was a bit less passionate than the picture, but ayeeee aint my money long? :) (ahem, katey.)

I got dared to wake someone up around 5ish am and then ask them if they had gas-x. :) one of the most emberassing moments of my life right alongside one of the funniest. I'm glad i sucked it up and did it even though i laughed through the whole thing to where no one understood my request.

I admitted something about you that made me a little sick to my stomach. You're pretty fucking old, dudeeeee. Haha, i kid because i think age is one of the stupidest barriers. I'm thinking you might be moving soon so you're avoiding the goodbye. I have decided I will personally drive to LA and get my goodbye if i have to. I feel like we're done, and I don't think i can let you ruin another one of my relationships this year. You've got to move on- stop loving me, I've stopped loving you.

i have watched my house fall apart this weekend.
katey and i got into a brawl for the first time in our million year relationship, and then our new roommate decided it was okay to throw all of the stuff that belonged to katey and i in trash bags with trash. Then proceeding to throw them in our newly cleaned room. I have to admit, at first, i was ready to literally go downstairs and throw more punches, but instead katey went first and ended up getting everything thrown on her. The problem escalated way out of hand and names were thrown around like we were back in middle school. I will never in my life be more horrified at the way things were handled. I am absolutely disgusted.

Cory: I love love love you and hope this house figures it shit out. I've already accepted your apology, so no worries.

Now, I will say that in my life I have never gone so far as to belittle my own self. I have never thought it appropriate to convince someone to fuck up someone elses shit. Sure, i've fucked some people over and I've been a bitch, but I'm ever respectful of others property. I admit, once again, that i went into our new roommates room to try to find a sandal. It was rude on my part to not ask, but I was in a hurry and assumed she could trust me enough to let me use her sandal. This too was blamed on katey after I stated that i was the one at fault. I then searched the house for almost an hour looking for my cell phone. Everyone helped except for a few. I found it in the top dresser drawer of the new roomie with alarms turned off and the phone on silent. hmmmm, but i'm not making accusations that could have very well been my fault.

The situation was partly resolved, but no apologies have been made. Pride, although important and something we all have, is never something that should override a needed apology. It seems that everything has cooled down, but who knows how long that will last. I would seriously love to find a roommate who isn't in this house to fuck us over. That'd be fucking tightttttt.

Act like a lady, think like a man

katey and i fist fought. hahaha
of course things are fine.
sharing custody of the dog.
spending too much time in the sun.

someone call me 5022916774
lets enjoy some of this together.

i hate the idea of

a boy being mean to you to show affection.



It's strange how brainwashed we are. I was thinking about when I was a child and Daniel Ordonia used to trip the shit out of me and tease me, and when i questioned it i was told it was only because he liked me. How is it possible that since i was in the 2nd grade I've been told that being knocked down by a boy is accceptable. It's sad too because at that point a boy starts to think that's what needs to be done to get a girl. This is stereotyping for sure, and of course I'm biased, but it's not that i blame boys at all. I wonder if it's something that society is feeding us or if it's just something in us. I fear it's a cycle led by niave parents who think the inequality present in their marraiges/relationships is healthy. There should be no dominant person in a relationship, because in all reality neither is actually happy. The person on top is just feeling powerful and the person being push around is obviously not happy either.

I'm not really looking for much. I don't think I really want anything, but if it fell on my doorstep I'd give it a shot.

time to pay rent.

side squeeze

i'm trying to find someone to start calling me that again.

paper numero 3, APRIL FOOLS BITCHES

so i'd like to fuck this class and burn munros hair while he runs around the building while fire alarms go off and i leave and do not wait for class. fuck you.

i fucking hate

european history.

why the fuck am i trying to go to school for art history?

baby klye needs to graduate soon so he can teach me shit.