We are all broken

I just lost my super glue.

my aunt

leaves to go back to the carribean this morning: total bummer.
i probably should have handled her visit better: staying the night with my family, eating dinner with them every night, but hey i've got bad character.

im hoping to visit her during fall break.
im hoping that soon i'll be able to be on my feet again.
im hoping to get out of this damn rut.

honestly, i'm hoping for nothing more than a decent day at work.
putting my smile on in
5..4..3..2..1..
NOW.

it's my birthday

and i'll cry if i want to.

secretregrets.com

regret:

i'll be making postsecret cards and hoping my mistake gets on secretregrets if i don't have it out with you soon. we're meant for a different kind of love and that makes me more in love with you than anything. We push this forward and we're ruined. I know you're rarely honest, and that's why I can't look you in the eye. I know that muffled sounds of one another are put to rest, and no matter how much I'd like to hold your hand I'm lying. No matter how genuine you think this is you're lying.

no regrets because i adore you. no regrets because you're supposed to be in my life. no regrets because you'll be in my life but reborn. no regrets because we're going to stop all this LYING.

when i read what my writing has changed to i'm beyond disappointed. fml

How I Nap

I woke up confused and disoriented on the bed and feeling terrible for drifting away before you arrived. I jumped a bit and said, "oh, hi." You laugh your fucking gorgeous laugh and sit on the bed while replying. I'm still squirming around because I'm at such a loss for how to act other than extremely groggy. I sing the morning song, groans and sighs and all, while stretching to sit up with you.

"So, tell me about painting."

"It was the most surreal thing that could have happened today. Today was just completely surreal. I spent the day painting a garage which is weird enough, I smoked with someone who has known me since I was a literal child, I bought from the same person, and then I drove all

around town with my brother."
"Haha today I spent 4 hours passing out coupons in a neighborhood."

"4 hours? That's terrible."

"Yea. So, what's new with you?"

"Nothing at all really."

At this point I'm laying back down, leaning on your shoulder, and dosing away. I want you to join me so I decide not to prop my neck up. I sit up for a moment though, and pull the blanket over myself. When I lay back down my pillow has been stolen and I'm forced to lay closer to you. [score, great success!]

I'm on the verge of deep sleep, I'm literally on the edge, but I'd like to listen to you more. You tell me about a Title Fight show from a few nights ago,

"So, that show the other night was crazy. Title Fight just played through the body guards getting punched."

"Wow that sounds crazy. I thought about going to it but it sounds like a good thing that I didn't."

"Yeah, it was insane."

Falling asleep to you running your hands through my hair is all I need. I am exhausted. I am tore down. Somehow we spend the next couple of hours only briefly waking up for kisses and to make sure we are holding hands. The groggy sound of our voices, the necessary clearing of ones throat, the stretching groans, and the soft snoring is a symphony. If only I could write music.

"What time is it?"

"mmm...i don't know...?" A soft rumble comes from my belly and I'm wondering if Katey has found us or if she's even made it home yet. I grab my cell phone and check, 830pm.

"How are we trying to nap at 8:00?"

"haha, shit I don't know." I sit up and turn the light on.

"What should we do tonight?"

"Hmmm..."

Katey walks in the door, "Yooooooooo."

She grabs a gb, I get comfortable on the futon laying in the middle of our floor, you wrap yourself like a mummy in my sheets, and my nap is over.

falling off it seems...

it's never like the song goes, it's never like the novel's write it, and it's definately never how i envisioned it. You like me better when I'm fat, you enjoy round two more than sleeping, and it's never in his arm instead it's always in her arms.

it is a twisted around, mashed up, tangled mess. It's the single most comfortable and simple thing i've ever been a part of. The questions are all answered, the actions are all set, and the feelings quite delicately reserved. Not reserved but nonexistant, no resent just hell bent on having second best.